2 Things Women Need to Do for Themselves and Each Other



My post today is dedicated to the women of the world. Guys, you might want to skip this post entirely. Or, you just might want to read on about how women as a whole are much too hard on themselves, just so you can go do something nice for that special someone in your life.


Here’s the deal: recently, I have sat down and spoken with 2 of my fabulous girlfriends (at separate times) who both all of a sudden went into a mode of not feeling that they are good enough for whatever the next thing is that they want in their lives. Of course, I immediately did my best to correct them of what was obviously not true. Then, I sat down and had to put my sadness to paper: How could these two fabulous ladies get so down on themselves and be so self-critical? Why were they being downright mean to themselves?


They can only answer that themselves, but our conversations put me into self-reflection: I have found that this way of thinking is, unfortunately, all too common for women. It is a pattern of judgment women put on themselves that needs to stop, and that we need to help one another stop by reminding our women friends how wonderful they are, especially when they are having a tough time. This trend can be stopped by a friend telling them like I did, or it can even be healed before that—from within—by deciding first to love who we are, no matter where we are in life, and that we will just keep at whatever it is that we might want to change.


Women all-too-frequently put a great deal of pressure on themselves to be the best in every area of their lives. Typically, we as women want to look, feel, create, and present ourselves in the best light to others. This is understandable, but we also need to recognize that we all have different paths, and we don’t need to do it all. We can ask for help; in fact, I think asking for help should be a requirement.

Instead of trying to pinpoint the source of these innumerable standards we put on ourselves as women, I want to remind the women reading this post that you have tremendous gifts. You are not required to add 3 other skills or traits to your list to validate your brilliance. We should instead say to ourselves on a regular basis, “Thank you for all I have, but is there any area of my life where I need change so that I can feel my best?” There is always going to be something that needs self-improvement, because after all, we are all human.


Self-criticism in a woman’s mind might stem from the fact that some aspect of her life is not where she wants to be—that she should be better, whether it be personally or professionally. In a nutshell, a woman in that mindset is stuck. Stuck in self-criticism of what ‘should be.’ This is normal: we all get stuck. I was just stuck earlier this month because I realized I was not happy that I can’t seem to find one nice guy to spend quality time with who adds to my happiness. At first, I really couldn’t pinpoint what was bothering me, and then I talked it out with two friends and by the end of our conversation I knew that I had to make sure I was putting myself out there and getting into the dating pool again.


Now, of course not everyone is at the point in their life of searching for that special someone. The different dynamics of what we are all wishing to change in our lives varies enormously. Despite this fact, no matter what change you want in your life, we need to remind ourselves that the only place we need to be is in the present, and that is just perfect. Once you have realized the importance of ‘now,’ you can prioritize your change with these two questions:


  1. What needs to get done in your life?
  2. What do you want changed?


After you have your list of things that must get done and things that need to be changed, you have your plan. The plan is to take care of those things that need to get done and integrate into it one simple step or action toward that desired change. Once you do, it will feel as if a peg on the board has moved in your favor. You will know it, because you will feel it, and it will slowly remove that negativity and worry that goes on in that beautiful mind of yours.


For instance, I had to ask myself: is it really important for me to find a guy that adds happiness to my life at this point in my life? After reflection, my answer was yes. So despite the fact that this is not easy for me because my life is already full, I have had to move things around priority-wise to find time to meet and date men. It would be so much easier to come home and write and be in my own space that I love, but I made a decision about what I want changed in my life. And I can tell you that just by taking action, it has made me feel much better overall. So, if your self-criticism has to do with wanting to make a change in your career or family, you want a situation to be different, or you would like to be in better shape physically, there is no need for any criticism, ladies. The only thing you need to do is figure out the two questions above. Then, do the best you can to take action toward that one thing.


During the process of nipping negativity in the bud, we need to remind ourselves that self-criticism tells us to be worried about something, or that you should be better in some aspect of your life than you currently are. And that is fear. Fear is lack of belief in yourself and your life. I think that EVERY DAY all women in this world need to wake up telling themselves how wonderful and unique they are. If you need to, put a post it on your bathroom mirror that says, “You are wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, and unique” to remind you of this fact. Do it. After all, we all have our own unique journey, and that is just perfect—we should be our own biggest advocates and cheerleaders. So push your worrying to the side about whatever it is that you think needs to happen because someone or something says it is the “norm.” There is no such thing as normal, and that is a blessing because normal or perfect is boring. Please go to bed at night thanking whatever higher power you believe in for your journey and trust in its path. When you awake, say thank you for allowing yourself to wake up to another day of discovery.


On top of all of this, women need to really support each other. If you can’t support and respect for another woman because you are having your own personal issues, then just be silent. Ask the universe to teach you how to be supportive of your fellow women spirits, because we represent the power of every type of beauty that exists in this realm called life.