I use a new system of gauging where I am in time.  I used to follow the seasons or reference the month to say where I was in time.  Now, less than a year into motherhood, I just say I have a 9 month old. Motherhood is another experience that has challenged me to trust my gut and listen to my intuition. When I am tuned into that listening, I tend to get words that recur in my head if the universe wants me to hear something. Over these last 9 months, the words I have been hearing consistently have been, “Let go to receive something new.” 

In my head I respond back (“I hear you“), but there is so much that I have already let go of because of all the life changes going on.  So many wonderful new things have been added to my life, and the single event of having a new baby forces you to let go of so many old priorities and create brand new ones.  I have to continue to release to receive something new, trusting this is what is best. It’s not easy though. We all love what we know or what we did before change happens, even when it is all good stuff.

It has been a whirlwind with this wonderful new little being that I am blessed to have.  While I remind my son every day that I love him to the moon and beyond, I have to remind myself every day to try and release any worry about all of the things I have not done that day to keep life in order, because he is the priority and not those other things. Every time I release one responsibility, another seems to fill its place almost immediately, before I can think.

In addition to having a baby, we decided last minute (because there was an opening), that we would plan a wedding in less than 3 months. Now I can personally tell you there is a very good reason the wedding usually comes before the baby because to plan a wedding while having an infant at home is something I don’t recommend to anyone.

It all worked out and I definitely had to release any frustration with things that didn’t go as planned that day.  it ended up being a beautiful day, but I literally felt like I was cramming for the biggest final exam I ever had for about 3 weeks straight before the wedding, which meant maybe a total of 4-5 hours of sleep each night. And no sleep doesn’t do anyone any good. I just made sure on my wedding day that I had a good makeup artist to whisk away the dark circles under my eyes and a good photographer to airbrush out any other obvious signs of sleep deprivation.

One would think after getting through the wedding I would feel relief. I didn’t. Yet again, another priority would fill its void: I had to rally for a large Halloween party and Haunted House that we organize at work for hundreds of people.  

Again, I said to myself, after Halloween I will rest.  Wrong again! We decided to move, and before I knew it, we had movers in our place and further downtown we moved.  

Again, I said to the universe, that will be it. We will have our new home with more space for baby and the pace will slow.  Wrong again. My husband ended up having surprise surgery. I’m not going to say I think things will calm down anymore, because that thought doesn’t seem to be working for me.  At this point, not only am I so behind on writing “Thank You” notes for our wedding, but now we have the holidays and I am so behind for that I shouldn’t be taking the time to type this.  The thing is, words are my therapy.

With the New Year approaching, I challenge you to ask yourself, what must you release to receive something new?  It might be an easy answer or it might be a difficult one for you. Whichever it is, I wish you a new year of receiving wonderful things.  You know what you need to let go of- it doesn’t have to be something physical– although, it could be. You may need to clean out a garage or closet, or you may need to release a relationship that isn’t working or a habit that doesn’t suit you anymore.  Sit and be silent for five minutes and see if something comes up, remember to breath.

Lastly, what do you want to receive new this year? I strongly recommend writing it down! There are studies that have found writing down goals results in a greater percentage of attaining them vs. those who don’t write them down.  My tradition is to write down what I would like to receive in the new year. This year, I’ll do a combined list with my husband so we have a shared vision. I love doing this, it’s amazing how it really works- and it can take years for things to be created, but when you look back at what you wrote after it manifests you will be amazed.

I took a 4 month break from writing because I was blessed with giving birth to my little boy 3 weeks earlier than expected. I honestly didn’t place any expectations on how my actual birth would go other than knowing that I wanted to greet my little one with as much calm as I could. Would I be able to stay calm or would the pain of labor take over any calmness and completely derail my intent? I did not make hard statements like, “I won’t take an epidural or I will only breastfeed.” I just said to anyone that asked if I had a birthing plan that I would try to do what I could as best I could and see what happens.

The other day, someone asked me about labor and how scary was it or if it was really bad because no one really talks about it.  It’s true: not many people talk about the details of birth because it is such a personal thing. I did tell her my story to shed some light on things and granted, I went into some more details with this friend than I will on a piece of paper, but this is a summary of my birthing experience in hopes that it eases and answers some questions for those who are curious.

As it turns out, my water broke at work and I wasn’t completely sure it was my water at first or if my son had just decided to put his entire weight on my bladder. I didn’t assume anything, and being of this uncertainty, I approached everything calmly. Over the phone, the doctor told me I had to go right to the hospital and I responded that I needed to first take care of my pup (my first child) before I could go to the hospital. She agreed to this, but told me to not linger at home to do anything else.

So, after I finished up something I was in the middle of, I let my colleague know what was going on. He responded very excitedly, “What can I do for you?” to which I responded almost laughing- I just really need a diaper at this point because my pants are soaking wet. Again, I informed someone else at work I had to leave for the hospital and was told again, “Wow, you’re so calm!” Surprisingly, I honestly did feel very peaceful and calm.

My colleague helped me into an Uber and I did as the doctor requested: after taking care of my pup, I grabbed the first taxi I saw to NYU hospital. The doctor quickly confirmed my water broke but because I was not yet feeling contractions, they would have to induce me.

As a preparation for the intensity of labor, I had done prenatal pilates twice a week throughout my entire pregnancy, spoke with a friend who hypnobirthed, and I studied how people breathe when they do hypnobirthing. Epidural or not, ultimately the goal for me was to stay comfortable and calm during the most painful and difficult moments of labor while still being safe for the baby and myself. This helped me be less scared about childbirth. As I walked into the hospital, I tried to think about this approach.

However, after laboring all night with an IV of Pitocin and a balloon that is put in the cervix to induce labor, I had what they call a “failed induction.” My body would not dilate past 5cm. Therefore, I had to have a C-section. The entire night laboring was uncomfortable and at times very painful. The balloon was especially uncomfortable, but I was somehow able to breath through the surges of contractions with no epidural.  I wasn’t trying to be any superhero by not taking an epidural, but because of the induction meds, they were not able to measure my progress and if they couldn’t tell me how much I was dilated, I didn’t want an epidural.

Despite the pain all night of laboring, I really did stay calm, and while the C-section was definitely not fun, they got my baby boy out safe and sound.

Labor always seems so scary because it is the unknown, but as my friend who has a number of children has reminded me multiple times: “Your body knows what to do; let it do its job. Trust it.”  Once again, the universe has taught me a very large lesson in going with the flow and placing trust in yourself that you can get through the surges in labor and in life.

P.S.I typed half of this newsletter with one hand as my infant slept on top of me and the other half the next day while feeding him with one hand and typing with the other. We must all figure out how to make things work for our different lifestyles.  Its my new normal and it isn’t always easy, but I am blessed.

I was having a conversation with a friend who had recently quit their job they had disliked for years. They got to a point where they decided it was time to go, even though they didn’t have another job in place.  The decision required many lifestyle changes, including selling a home. Since they were single, their new free time would allow them to finally get the dog they felt they couldn’t get when working full time. Months later, another friend ran into this person and commented that to their surprise, they appeared much more mentally and emotionally healthy than probably ever before.

Personally, I know this person was probably happy to get rid of the job that they disliked, but really, I knew why they were healthier…

“It’s the dog,” I thought to myself.

Why? Well, in my experience, dogs provide a sense of purpose.

Now, this newsletter isn’t all about dogs, but it is about purpose, something everyone needs. People create their sense of purpose via their job,  family, extended family, caring for a loved one, having a job that cares for others, or through animals. We all need a sense of purpose, and if we don’t have one, unhappiness- and even depression- sets in.  If you or someone you know seems unhappy, ask yourself, “What is my or their purpose?” If there is one, it should be clear. If one has not surfaced for you naturally, one must create their sense of purpose to feel balanced.  It’s how we are wired as human beings. We are here for each other no matter how introverted some of us may be.

I am in a purposeful transition now myself, and it’s uncomfortable and exciting. I will need to trust a bit of the unknown for it to unfold for me. Even today, I had a hard day and I didn’t know why. I just knew I didn’t feel my usual self, so I did my best to just come home and lay low: eat a healthy dinner, let myself relax and not force anything– just be in the not-feeling-great mood and trust that I would figure out how to get the yuckiness to go away.  I’m 35 weeks pregnant and it is not the most comfortable thing. The weight of carrying a baby can be a lot on your system some days, and the amount of hormones going through my system to support this little being are at a high.

I finally decided I needed to meditate because I hadn’t meditated in many, many weeks. I don’t meditate on a daily basis, but I do usually find times to meditate in my own way on a somewhat regular basis.  I put on a guided meditation and immediately I could feel my system calm. It was exactly what I needed. My head felt clearer and I needed my spirit to remind me that not only is my body in transition with a baby due in about five weeks, but my purpose is in transition too.  Again, this was a reminder that I must be patient. Even though the yuckiness I felt earlier is not completely gone, it has lifted significantly because when it all comes down to it, I know it is both my body and my sense of purpose that is being shifted. I must learn to embrace it in order to feel my peaceful, happy self again.

Sometimes your purpose comes to you, sometimes you have to create it, sometimes it’s just not clear, and sometimes you are in transition to your new purpose.  Be patient with purpose- it’s a soulful creation that doesn’t need to be forced. It may need to be sought, but never forced.

Change.  It happens to all of us.  Sometimes it is welcome and sometimes it’s unexpected.  I know of a good amount of people going through changes and it’s a bumpy ride, one in which you have to have faith in yourself and something greater.  It tests you more than any other thing in life because it’s not predictable. That is, unless you decide to believe it is predictable. There are so many scenarios:  that person who is looking for a new job because they just want out of their current job, that person who has moved to a new state to forge a different life and they are pounding the pavement, or that person who is unexpectedly making a shift from a place they have worked for many years plus — and the list goes on.  

A difficult part of change is that it often isn’t foreseeable. If you are not currently amidst change, this message may seem foreign to you. But, all of us encounter change at one point and one day, change will come into your life and it often doesn’t feel like change, but instead feels like an unwanted crisis.  This is when your challenge will be to remind yourself that you are not going through a crisis; instead, try to view this moment as a change, a course readjustment in your life. This will allow you to look at your circumstances less with a sense of panic and frustration, and more with an energy and excitement for opportunity. Something was no longer aligning energetically in your life and it’s time to move on.  As bad as it might feel in the moment, you have to remind yourself that this is a good thing; growth is happening.

One question that usually accompanies change is: is moving on an improvement or a regression?  We are all human and in every one of us there is the fear, “Will I be able to find something better?”  This is the unknown. What is on the other side of change? There are financial pressures behind most of this because most people do need to make money, so the pressure amounts and the mind goes into worry, depressive thoughts, questioning, doubting oneself, or not knowing what to believe.  This is when you have to remind yourself that you are energy and everything around you is energy. Energetically, it was time to move on for whatever reason it was- you know- was it toxic, were you not appreciated, were you not being your best you, did you outgrow the situation? Really, it doesn’t matter what the reason is.  You simply must choose this time which is the hardest for many in their lives to believe that things will ultimately be better. It doesn’t mean it will be easy to get to the next destination, but trust in your goodness. Treat yourself with the care that you would a loved one- rest and heal as much as you can expecting that the next opportunity will show up at the right time. This is when you have to choose to live by your heart and that is not an easy thing to do when you have bills that are piling up.  

Living by your heart means listening to the whispers of intuition guiding you.  It does not mean you sit and do nothing. It means you trust you will be guided by your intuition to the next opportunity and this can be one of the most stressful scenarios where you are challenged to live by your heart. I know this because I have done it countless times from one job to the next.  I can tell you that once you do it enough, you get to a place within yourself where you know all will be more than alright. Just remember to listen to the whispers; this is your primary job until the actual job shows up. And once it does, don’t forget how predictable living by your heart is and perhaps, next time it will be a little easier.

I recently spent an afternoon at an event in the Meatpacking district.  In a studio space with a floor to ceiling screen showcasing the latest in their designs, a number of successful individuals all in creative fields discussed their brands.  I noticed that after they ultimately narrowed down all the questions and lessons, they had a common message. Some of those in the discussion included, the founder & CEO of the clothing brand, Rag and Bone, the creative directors of the almost 50 year old Paris brand Kenzo, and the founder of Hello Alfred an assistant App in which you can hire them to do the errands you don’t have time to do. The audience listened as each creative explained their unique and interesting journeys and how they got to where they are today.

The founder of Rag and Bone (whose jeans I happen to have about 20 pairs of because there are no other jeans like them) didn’t go into the fashion industry looking to create a trend. He just didn’t like the jeans he had on and simply wanted to be comfortable.  He carries this over into every aspect of his business- only doing and collaboration with those who feel right to him. He commented that you should think of how much better you feel when something feels and fits great each time you put it on. The right soft t-shirt that fits just perfectly, the right jeans: these details make a difference- NOT who wears your jeans or who you have collaborated with.

The KENZO creative directors are a gal and guy team who continue the legacy of a company founded in 1970 in Paris by Kenzo Takada, who brought his Japanese influenced creations to the fashion world. These two have known each other for years and can work without saying a word to one another because they know each other that well.  When they were asked about how they make decisions and why, they continually came back to the point that they always look at the history of the brand and what Kenzo’s original intention was when he started the business.

They bring that philosophy forward in today’s modern world, reinventing his influences in different ways within their clothing lines. They apply the influences that inspired him many years ago to today’s present.

Finally, the founder of Hello Alfred, a personal assistant business, unintentionally began her career while in business school. She had no personal time to do anything, so she hired an assistant to do those things for her, and before she knew it she had 100 people asking her for an assistant. She also talked about her journey and the fact that each time someone made a suggestion as to how here business should be run, she didn’t always take their advice.  It wasn’t always the easiest or fastest route, but it was how she envisioned her business. And guess what? The business is thriving.

As I sat in the audience and listened intently, it occurred to me that each and every one of these talented individuals all boiled their success stories down to the same word or explanation of how they made their way: AUTHENTICITY.  They all faced rejection, advice telling them what to do in order to make more money faster, and money offered to them that they declined.  What they all consistently have done to reach their goals and their continued visions was to remain authentic to themselves and their vision. Authenticity is not only applied to businesses; it applies to artists in all mediums trying to create something. Even parenting and everyday decisions can benefit from remembering to stay true to yourself. This is the #1 thing that all successful people do, and the #1 thing you should do for yourself.  When you live authentically, you grow in a way that feels true to yourself; not like you are pretending to be something else. This is what makes you uniquely you. If you feel something in your heart or gut, trust it. Don’t listen to what others tell you makes sense; forge ahead. This is authenticity.

Everybody has their own idea of a perfect day, and I am sure at some point we have all thought about the idea. This is fun to do, because that is what makes you unique. Overall, perfect days are pretty simple; they take us back to the basics that ground you and help you to appreciate life.

For instance, my own perfect day looks like this: it’s Saturday morning in NYC and I slowly wake up to quiet and sleep past 8AM.  Life feels so luxurious when you don’t have to be somewhere at a certain time. My pup, Cooper, is at my feet, and as he opens his eyes he walks up the bed to snuggle next to me and looks into my eyes to say good morning.  I get a wake-up call from my boyfriend who is away and stretch my way out of bed. I throw on my comfy workout clothes of buttery soft leggings and a soft sweatshirt with a baseball cap on my head to shield my makeup free face.  I walk through my lobby, saying good morning to the doorman who whisks the door open for me. Life is grand. The sun is shining and, for some reason, spring does not want to come this year, even in late April. There is still a chill in the air, so I have my puffer on over my sweatshirt to keep me cozy and warm.  My pup pulls to the nearest metal post and on we go with our walk to get some yummy peach tea with steamed coconut milk. The usual hum of the streets are quiet only on weekend mornings. The sidewalks are clear of people. People that are out are, for the most part, relaxed.

As I walk home, I get a text from a co-worker who needs to pick something up from me. I don’t mind this small request for help; in fact, I enjoy it because it gives me the ability to help someone else. I take Cooper upstairs to the apartment, take care of my co-worker, and head to the local bakery for my once a week treat of an apple turnover that tastes like it just came out of the oven.  I head back to my quiet, peaceful and cheery apartment and pull out my laptop, typing away, thinking how grateful I am to have such a beautiful life.

While I know this is in no way another person’s dream life, to me it is ideal.  And I guess one of my worries is, “what if I ever had to leave the city? What would I do?” Since I have thought about this so many times, I already have the answer, because the answer is so important for me to have- I need to live in a place where I am close to town and can walk to the things I enjoy- Saturday morning tea that I can pick up and a yummy apple or chocolate croissant. My laptop can go anywhere, so that is not an issue. Most importantly, I have to be able to walk to what I enjoy.  This grounds me. This makes me feel alive. I don’t care for cars. I never have. Cars waste my time. I love public transportation: the subway to get me around the city, buses to get me out east, the train to get me to longer distances and planes for trips that make me smile. Many people might feel city life is complicated and hard, and, yes, you must put effort into a lot of things that others don’t have to outside of the city, but it’s a choice.

So why do we do this? Why do we ask ourselves what our perfect day would be? Life is full of choices. Remember to choose those little things in life that make you feel comfortable and free day-to-day, because this is the recipe for filling your life with appreciation. Without them, life is just a series of tasks and responsibilities. And it is really that simple if you break it down.  Don’t make it complicated- just make your choice, because if you don’t, life can become mechanical and devoid of appreciation and fun. This reminds us how wonderful life can be.

What is your perfect Saturday that reminds you life is beautiful?  Incorporate it into your life as regularly as you can and add on a goal or two that make life even sweeter.  Living your perfect day creates a vibe of appreciation and appreciation is the petri dish for living the perfect life. Although spring doesn’t seem to want to come this year, it doesn’t matter because I know how to make life feel grand in my own simple way despite the weather and I hope you do too.

Happy Spring,

Mo